evanae | LJ Stalkery

D: That Stalker thingy caught on to me. I put in Bonnie and Mina. XD

Stalkers are twats. A cautionary tale from evanae.

silvernaofficer is stalking evanae
silvernaofficer’s REAL name :	Richmond Sowell
silvernaofficer’s REAL DOB :	06th May 1974
Height :196 cm	Weight : 69.1 kg
silvernaofficer has dreamt about you :	18 times
silvernaofficer became interested in you :	24th September 2003
silvernaofficer’s latest dream about you
silvernaofficer wakes up in the middle of the night to the sight of you by the bed with your firm buttocks waggling jovially in your new stalkers face.
This is how silvernaofficer describes your relationship behind your back
‘Things couldn’t be any worse at the moment, not only has evanae’s father threatened to kill me if I go anywhere near their house but I’ve also just received a restrainer order from the police which prevents me from going within 1500m of her.’
silvernaofficer’s been stealing stuff from your house too.
silvernaofficer enjoys munching on your toenail clippings that they once hoked out of your bin late one evening.
They’ve even started modifying their body for you
In a night of sheer angst silvernaofficer carved ‘evanae’ into their forehead with a set of bakers tongs.
They sent the following message to you in a Valentines
We’ll be together some day sweetheart. Until then here is part of my fucking tongue. Put it in the freezer. I might need it back someday.

The Police
No. calls to the police :	7 times
Your Last Call to The Police
"Look, could you send a squad car over? It’s just that there is this person outside my house rumaging through my garbage and they’ve been doing it every night for the past month. They seem to have some weird obsession over me. Please hurry. I think they’ve just found one of my bank statements as they’ve just ran off again."
silvernaofficer’s Police File
silvernaofficer is a convicted stalker who will re-offend. Particularly if they have access to the internet and I feel sorry for the poor son of a bitch who catches the attention of this crazed motherfucker.

Testimonies about silvernaofficer

setodragon - Long-haul trucker

’silvernaofficer was always one of us. One of the gang. We never suspected anything. I’m really shocked..’

ondorikun - Worships the sun

’silvernaofficer and I never saw eye-to-eye. And I’m glad now we didn’t. What a fucking creep.’

justwither - Sister Stabatha

‘Dear God! I knew silvernaofficer was a right thieving bastard but I didn’t know they were such a skank. evanae is a bit of a sucker really.’

evanae is being stalked on Livejournal!

tinted_glass is stalking evanae
tinted_glass’s REAL name :	Eugenio Richmond
tinted_glass’s REAL DOB :	07th January 1988
Height :180 cm	Weight : 90.7 kg
tinted_glass has dreamt about you :	30 times
tinted_glass became interested in you :	04th November 2002
tinted_glass’s latest dream about you
tinted_glass wakes up in the middle of the night to the sight of you by the bed with your firm buttocks waggling jovially in your new stalkers face.
This is how tinted_glass describes your relationship behind your back
‘We were destined to be together and you’ll soon be tying the knot.’
tinted_glass’s been stealing stuff from your house too.
tinted_glass enjoys nothing more than to start the morning by taking a heroic sniff from one of evanae’s stolen socks.
They’ve even started modifying their body for you
tinted_glass now has a full-colour image of you tattooed on their back.
They sent the following message to you in a Valentines
If God had a face, he’d look something like you. And if you were ever to leave me, I’d fucking nail you to a cross before you had a chance for a last supper.

The Police
No. calls to the police :	10 times
Your Last Call to The Police
"My names evanae, I’m ringing to report a stalker. Who is it? I don’t know their real name. I met them off an online community called Livejournal. Their username is tinted_glass. They’ve been sending me used condoms through the post. Could you please do something about this quickly? My mother opened the last letter. She nearly died of shock. Thanks"
tinted_glass’s Police File
tinted_glass will be the next Jeffrey Dahmer if they are not institutionalized immediately.

Testimonies about tinted_glass

naoekun - A spouse-beating alco

‘I’m tired of hearing about of these allegations about tinted_glass. evanae is a demented twat. Ignore her.’

setodragon - The resident slapper

‘I used to love tinted_glass. This news has broke my heart. I feel like beating the shit out of that bastard, seriously. What a dick.’

roxyann9 - Fart N Flirt

‘Ahhh none of this is new to me. evanae’s been telling me about tinted_glass’s antics for ages now. I don’t honestly know why it has put up with it for so long.’

_thiswontstop - Worships the sun

‘I always thought tinted_glass was a good kid. A bit shy but with a kind heart. How wrong was I?’